Twisted Relationships: A Valentine’s Love Story

It’s no secret what my least favourite holiday is. Bad things have happened to me on just about every Valentine’s Day of my life. The day a break-up is least likely to happen? Check. Hardcore porno valentine email from ex-boyfriend who thought it was “romantic”? Check! First date with the person who made it necessary to add “Have you ever been imprisoned for killing ethnic Albanians?” to my list of first date questions? Check!!

Seriously, it’s a lot of pressure for 1 poor day.

Which is why sign ups for the Smart-Ass Knitters Club start on Valentine’s Day. I made 1 really positive thing happen. Positive for me. (You like me. You really really like me!) And positive for smart-ass knitters with a penchant for world domination everywhere.

But believe it or not, the Club is NOT what this post is about.

This post is about relationships. Colour relationships. And colour name relationships. Twisted ones.

Glenna designed some striped knee high socks a few years ago, and has since been teachinghow to make custom knee highs at some local yarn stores in Ontario. I asked her if she would write a pattern for us, and what she came back with is Knee Socks For Everyone Or, the “Amazing Wonderful Do-It Yourself Knee Socks Worksheet Complete with Tips on Fit and Shaping”, an amazing worksheet that will help you make perfectly fitting knee socks just for you!

Striped knee highs are fun. Striped knee highs, with colours that already have attitude and personalities of their own? Insanely, cackle-inducing, snickering-to-yourself-on-the-streetcar FUN!!

Want proof?

Here are mine:


Know who it is? Mal and Inara. Making kissy noises on my needles. (you have Glenna to thank for that mental image. Glenna is 10 years old, watching Love Boat reruns with my Grandma). I’m varying the width of the stripes in mine, because I can. And because I like a little improv in my knitting.

Wanna see who else is canoodling in the dark corners of our yarn shelves?

Squid Vicious and Nancy Spungenbob


Vicious Penguin and Tiny Bloodsucking Dancer


Drusilla and Spike


…though I’m not sure Buffy’s thrilled with that…


Here are some more of our favourite twisted relationships:

Oz and Willow
Hootenanny: It's Chock Full of Hoot, Just a Little Bit of NannyMy World is All Askew

Lambada and Sonic F*#$ing Death Monkey
Lambada 3: It's Tepid!Sonic F$#*ing Death Monkey (High Fidelity series)

Grover and Elmo
GroverkillSelf Elmolation

Wanna play? Delve into our colour chart and even into the depths of Flickr and tell us your favourite “couples”. Make us cackle.

We will be custom dyeing kits for your own striped knee highs. One skein of each colour is enough for calves under 15″ in circumference. If your calves are over 15″ in circumference, you may need 2 skeins of each colour. Just let us know what colours, what yarn base (merino sock, merino nylon sock and MCN sock work best for these) and how much you need. We’ll add Glenna’s Knee Socks for Everyone PDF for $6. Kits will ship out within 2 weeks of ordering. To order, email us at orders AT

Oh. One last one.

Glenna and Mal

Oh Glenna and Her Lemongrass MartinisCaptain Tight Pants



  1. Teehee! Very fun. (I love Buffy’s reaction.)

    And wow, Inara seems to suck the brown out of Mal and make him grey. Those two colours are GORGEOUS together. You’re going to have one awesome pair of socks.

  2. Denise, Kia Ora! says:

    I just love the colours Kim, love the yarn! These photos make me smile!

  3. But is IS of utmost importance for the yarn to make kissy noises. Otherwise how will you know if you have the right colour combination?

  4. I really don’t have time to haul out all my yarn and play pairing up games. Which is a pity because I bet cashy money I will be doing that before the afternoon is over. I really want to see if the thought that popped into my head works (namely “Were I unwed” ie combining “curse your inevitable” with “up until the punching”)

  5. Of course, we all know that Glenna and Mal combo is only there because you don’t have any Castle-themed yarn. . .;)

    This is an AWESOME idea. So tempted to pair “Love & Batteries” with Inara, because I am TWELVE.

  6. EASY! Bright lights + You punched the hilights. 🙂

  7. Cleric at Large says:

    He said himself he was a demon magnet… how does Up with People look with Short Bus?
    (I’m guessing… pretty bad)

  8. Oooooohhhhh — will the pattern be available separately? I have to play with stash to be able to join in on this one. I’m thinking Inara + Angelus might need to get together for my socks. What a weird mental image that makes…

    (can we delete my previous comment? I was signed in under a business blog account… doh)

  9. I think I am going to have to go with Cordelia – Don’t you have an elsewhere to be? and Between love and batteries. Don’t those 2 usually go together? Ha Ha – my inner teenager is howling with laughter!!


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